Brandon Boyer

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The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and foreboding.

I take back everything I said: moments after after clicking my tongue at the internet for not turning ianwarren’s Guitar Hero 1.0 concept into a playable text adventure, real ultimate hero Bill Meltsner emailed to let me know that his Champion of Guitars is, in fact, playable online.

It’s everything I’d hoped it would be, particularly its wry version of the audience enthusiasm/performance meter, and though I haven’t had the time yet to make it all the way through my first gig, Meltsner says the game does let you play the song to completion. He also hints that there are other audience-related and item manipulation easter eggs that I’ve yet to discover: let us know what you find via the comments below.

Play Champion of Guitars online, or grab his Zcode here for use in any interpreter — create the most fumbly version of an iPhone Rock Band imaginable!

Image via DeGraeve’s IMG2TXT.

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